We all have what I like to call our “autopilot mode” – and it’s usually set to “on”.
It’s robustly self-programmed over the years of our life and it dictates how we usually respond to things.
Our autopilot is very often our friend and helps us act quickly to protect us from danger. If someone throws a rock at me, my autopilot will quickly make me try to duck out of the way! Good autopilot! Continue reading
My Father didn’t have a psychology degree or even a library of well read self-improvement books. What he did have was plenty of dispensable wisdom when it came to most aspects of life. I remember, in particular, him talking to me one evening just before I started secondary school (“way back in the last century”, as my kids frequently remind me!): Continue reading
I came across this quote a few days ago and it made me think.
Sometimes I think we set goals that are a bit too safe … too achievable.
Of course, it’s wrong to set goals that are unachievable, that we have no control over, that will floor us as soon as we begin to work on them… perceived wisdom on great goal setting says that our goals should be realistic as well as motivational so that we have enough confidence to start.
But maybe we can get too ‘realistic’ at times and limit our aspirations before we’ve given them the freedom they deserve?
And why do we do this? I think the quote above gets to the heart of the matter. In reaching our ‘big’ goals, a lot of change will usually have to happen within us. Changes in our attitudes, confidence, levels of resilience and persistence…. and much more. This means we’ll be on an exciting as well as scary journey, so it’s natural that our fear of the scary part creates resistance and this in turn can make us rationalise (rational lies?) that the goal is impossible and therefore not worth ‘dreaming’ about.
The trick is to dream big and set the seemingly impossible goal anyway – write it down, think about it, visualise it, share it with those you trust and who you know will support you.
Then break it down into smaller goals and steps with specifics, dates and actions and start on the first step without worrying too much about the other ones which come later. When we break things down like this, giving ourselves the right timeframes, things can suddenly seem far more achievable.
Once we start working on the first small part of the big goal, we start working on becoming “the person who can”.
Many years ago I read a popular self-help book called “What to say when you talk to yourself”. The book is all about “self talk” : how the things we tell ourselves and others make an impact, both positively and negatively, on how we live our lives. It challenges the reader to examine their own self talk and modify it. For example, I remember at the time thinking about how I normally reacted when people asked me “How are you today?” I’d usually respond with something like “Oh, not so bad” – a bit of a negative expression really. So I resolved to make a new habit (which has lasted since then) of responding with something more like “Good thanks” or “I’m OK”. This helped lift my spirits and therefore made a positive difference for me as long as I what I was saying was “true enough” and not too “overdone”. Continue reading
My wife had some friends around this morning. She had invited them a few weeks ago and she wasn’t sure they would turn up because of all the snow and consequent challenges with the roads we’ve been experiencing this week. Continue reading